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Little Rebecca Rhodes was born a very small 0-year old child on April 15 once. She was really tiny. She had a cute head and a soft button nose. She was wiggly. She liked breathing air. She was really, really cute and she had a mom that was a cute little blonde lady and a dad that had a big black beard. Sometimes they would take pictures of little Rebecca Rhodes because they thought she was so cute and they wanted to look at photographs of her being little someday when she was big. Little Rebecca Rhodes had brown hair. Sometimes she sang songs about being happy and other things like that. Her voice was really cute, just like her eyebrows. Little Rebecca's daddy was an artist. He was a very good artist named Picasso Rhodes. He never signed any of his paintings with his real last name so that no one would be able to find his unlisted phone number. Instead, he gave most of his artwork to his friend Pablo in France. So Little Rebecca Rhodes learned how to draw. She had crayons. Eventually she would learn to use Paint and other neat things to make art creations. When Little Rebecca was in seventh grade she wore striped Gotcha shirts and shorts and she learned how to skateboard. She could even ride her skateboard without falling off sometimes! She was really happy about that. One day, Little Rebecca Rhodes became Medium Rebecca Rhodes. Medium Rebecca Rhodes was pretty nice. One time, Medium Rebecca Rhodes kissed a real boy! Her sister was there. She made Medium Rebecca Rhodes kiss a real boy so that she would not be a weirdo. Medium Rebecca Rhodes decided that she was going to be cool one day. She learned how to play the guitar one summer. Then she went to her high school and started talking to people. She wore really nice shirts that had vivid colors all over them. She had a friend named ______. ______ was really nice. One day, Medium Rebecca Rhodes and ______ were hanging out and they decided to be in a band. Eventually they would learn to play their instruments pretty well, too. Then they met some other people and the other people could sorta play instruments, too. Then they went to some places. There was a time that they were eating squaw bread one day, and they decided that they wanted to play squaw music. They were really excited about squaw music because they really liked squaw bread. Fun times were had by all. Eventually, Medium Rebecca Rhodes got her heart broken once, twice, three times a man. This made her pretty bitter. But she was still real nice. Medium Rebecca Rhodes was becoming Rebecca Rhodes, the woman. She played the squaw music like a fiend and danced around and did things and went to places. Rebecca Rhodes, the woman was pretty frickin' cool. Soon, Rebecca Rhodes, the woman met her best friend, _______. ______ was not her brother, although he desperately wanted to be. Repeat: ______ is not Rebecca's brother. ______ was famous for doing amazing stunts on BMX bikes and for being an international playboy with gobs and gobs of money that he earned during a stint as a lion tamer. Rebecca Rhodes, the woman thought that was really neat, and totally wanted to be friends with him. So _____ proceeded to change Rebecca Rhodes, the woman's life. It was a beautiful thing. Then Rebecca Rhodes, the woman went to go see ____________ perform beautiful music. She had never been so excited in her life. They were her favorite! Rebecca Rhodes, the woman liked to eat taquitos. They were sooooooo yummy. Then Rebecca Rhodes, the woman kept playing the guitar and began to play the piano. She dressed real nice. One day, she met _____, drummer of the greatest rock band ever to exist, ______! Rebecca Rhodes, the woman would often shop with her drummer friend _____ and ______, god of koknballz, while sipping on women's-style coffee drinks and eating sushi. Rebecca Rhodes, the woman continued to keep busy fending off nominations for the U.S. Presidency and the screams and shouts of crazed, psychotic gerbil fans. Oh yeah, she made some records and stuff. Rebecca Rhodes, the woman was really happy. She likes Reel Big Fish.

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